We saw Brad Pitt

There’s no other way to say this.
We saw Brad Pitt in Venice
We can’t tell you exactly where it was.
But that’s not because we’re trying to protect Brad, Angelina and their brood of Benetton ad-like children (whose names we can’t remember except Maddox from Vietnam ….. erm or is he the one from the Sudan).
No, we can’t tell you exactly where Brad was because we aren’t actually sure ourselves.
You see, it was really hot …. no, it was sweltering hot.
And we were a bit tired after a full day in the city of canals.
We’d just been on a tour of the Jewish Ghetto (which was actually really great and so interesting).
So, as you can imagine, it was the most we could do to get out the camera and take this shot of him getting his boat ready to go and pick up the family (all the time saying to each other: “oh my god”, “is it?”, “could it be?”, “it is!”, “take the photo!”, “I’m trying” and “wouldn’t he have someone to do that for him?”)
So you see, we’ve got actual photographic proof that we saw Brad Pitt in Venice.
Who wouldn’t recognize that chiseled jaw line and lithe physique?
And unless anyone can prove he was somewhere else on September 28, 2006 (or has recently grown some distinctive facial hair for a new film part) then we think you’ll all agree that it is indeed Brad Pitt, in Venice, the same day we were there, just ten metres from us.
We should also say that we are willing to entertain the possibility of selling this picture to a women’s magazine complete with an accompanying story (quoting a “source close to Brad”). We’re willing to consider magazine input on the angle because we got A LOT of good stuff. Oh, and let’s be clear about this, the picture and yarn go to the highest bidder (like we said, we’re not interested in protecting Brad, Angelina and their kiddies).